[About this blog] Inspired by local soccer player Mike Lim during my rookie reporter days at Singapore Polytechnic, I set up this blog in August 2002. I feel that blogging is a novel platform to document interesting facets of my life and my thoughts on certain issues. [Email blogger] ephraim@singnet.com.sg

Saturday, September 20, 2003

[thinking a lot]
you will seldom see me posting this kindof stuff here.... have been thinking a lot these days... lots of happy stuff and some unhappy stuff has happened so far....

lesson 1: life is actually like taking a bus ride on life's journey. people come and go in your life, the things they leave behind are memories. when it's time to get off, some people will walk out of the exit door and the bus carries on it's journey. sometimes, they leave presents and stuff on the bus for you to remember, look back and just be happy, some can be sad. but not all do leave something behind. while life goes on, the bus may face some accidents and go for repairs which signify heartbreaks and the bus comes back stronger. diesel fuel could be the blood. when the fuel runs out, the engine signifying the heart dies. then the bus goes to the scrap yard.

lesson 2: i think i am a guy that probably promises myself a lot and sets a lot of high and ambitious targets for myself. lots of targets set but not motivated to carry them out. from primary school to army, there has always been this one motivating force that attributes to my professionalism in work, that motivates me to go to school or to camp and i am really happy seeing that person(s) around because there'll be this great feeling that sends me to work, to ovecome my problems and my fears. this person would know me a lot, cause we probably help each other to succeed and would probably be together all the time. but it will only be a passing phase. after that, all goes back to square one. it's nice to hear from them once in a while. am i pushing myself too hard? no.

lesson 3: being part of SP's news reporting team has let me interact with a lot of high flyers, successful people and it has made me inferior. how come others can be so successful but i am not? these people seem to have unlimited time or maybe good time management skills. they can study, work and even do community service! they win loads of awards, scholarships and have loads of friends. now, how can i learn from them? what can i learn from them? where does their motivating strength come from? i must try to experience this.

lesson 4: another of my character is very wierd. i like to do one thing at a time and concentrate on that one thing only. but before i finish it, i'll start on something new and put that first thing behind and work on it later. does it mean that i am very restless? or that i am not focused? but at least i have completed my poly education. others have completed their's and have even got their car and bike licenses too! now how did they do it?

lesson 5: i just can't understand why we have to wait for things to happen then we take action. why wasn't any preventive measures taken before the fateful event happens? why do we have to let people get hurt then say sorry? why didn't we prevent things from happening in the first place? why live to regret?

lesson 6: human beings are funny. they know what it is like to drink hot soup but when the get burnt they still want to drink sia!! do they get a kick by doing that? or are they just purely cheeky? start gambling knowing that it's a risk and then when they lose, they get into difficulties. are we risk takers? do we like to risk our life? is the feeling fun?

lesson 7: challenge. do i take it up? sometimes. but i am afraid to fail. so they say if you don't try you won't succeed. is that why?

lesson 8: proud? am i? a lot of people have come up to me saying that i have this damn proud look. but i hope that when they know me better as a friend they won't say that. i am quiet but that does not mean i am proud. maybe there's something going on in my mind. some wage of war in words inside.

lesson 9: talk. i love it. but not in a group. funny thing. when i am in a group i am exceptionally quiet. but when i am alone with another person, we can talk for hours! wierd sia! i won't say that i am not a team builder, i have done well planning and organising group stuff. does it lie in my thinking? am i that anti-social? i guess i am just quiet and don't talk much.

lesson 10: friends. they mean a lot. people tell me that i have got many friends. it's the same old story. how do they stay together as friends? they don't talk everyday. maybe cause i don't know their life enough? or maybe.... but i can honestly say that i do not forget people i see, meet and talk to before. which leads me to this scary thing. i can remember faces very well. i will see familiar faces and think where i have met them. i have. and i do remember. sometimes it's scary because there are lots of familiar faces walking around. and i have no idea who they are as i have not talked to them before.

lesson 11: visions. sometimes i do something and it appears that this thing has happened before and i can predict what will happen next. wierd. it'll be something out of my memory but with different people acting it out in front of me. and i know what step i will take next. routine? or is it my mind that is too fixed. wierd.

lesson 12: music. i remember special times in my life with music. when i hear a particluar song, i can be transformed back in time and remember what i was doing when i heard that song.

these lessons have let me think much more about myself as a person. my feelings, what i like and how i behave. am i a powerless mutant?


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